8 Things you need to know

A note for you and I

Young & Oversharing is your weekly newsletter for young women navigating life’s ups, downs, and in-betweens—one mistake at a time. Join us every Thursday for laughs, lessons, and those ‘I thought it was just me’ moments. Sign up here:

---

If you prefer listening to reading, press play.

When June comes around, I always fight gloom. The weather doesn't make this any easier either. I feel down because June is my birthday month, and it always feels empty. I live alone, and all my friends and family are far from me. So it's always sad to look for things to do on my own for my birthday. I don't quite like it, but it is my reality.

This month wasn't any different. I masked my feelings by working extra hard and sleeping a lot. Then, as the day drew nearer, I fought tears whilst typing 'Fun things to do alone on your birthday' into Google. I do this, and then when the day comes, I do nothing. I stay home and pretend I don't care that it is my birthday. I treat it like any other day to stop myself from feeling the emptiness.

If I don't acknowledge it, then it won't hurt. Lies! It still sucks.

Today is my birthday. I want to try something different this year. I want to share eight lessons I have learnt over the last 32 years of living and breathing. Consider it a gift from me to you.

Grief doesn't end.  

I am talking about the grief that follows losing a loved one. We never stop grieving those losses. Our grief morphs as the clock ticks, and one day, we find ourselves grieving joyously. It won't always be tears or intense feelings of missing them. Sometimes, it will be doing that activity they enjoyed, feeling their presence and sending them a smile.

You will change your mind.

That's what growth looks like sometimes. Don't be afraid of being judged for growing up and understanding things better or differently. This life is yours. You get to decide how to shape it. You get to choose what is valuable to you and what is not. Don't let the fear of not belonging control you. It's never worth it. And trust me, it's not that deep.

You always have a choice.

And more often than not, the tougher choice is the right one. You and I love a comfortable seat, though. We love it so much we would rather lose out on something we want than close the door to our comfort zone. But I am here to remind you that you do not belong in the comfort zone. Get yourself out of there and live life. Sometimes, it will be as easy as choosing an ice cream flavour. And sometimes, you will have to pick one between loving and leaving.

You can't keep everyone.

You can love them, but you can't always keep them. I learnt this through my family and a few friendships over the years. There are people I love that I have let go. With some people, it was because they refused to hear and see me. I fought for their attention, and I almost lost myself in the process. I had to stop and ask myself why I was so hungry for their love.

I was going where I wasn't wanted because I thought I had to have everybody around me. I believed I had to love and be loved by everyone. Bruising myself for no reason, only to give the people who had openly chosen me very little to go with. Girl, you can't keep everyone. Let go.

---

*Clears throat.* Please subscribe…thanks, keep reading!

---

Love is both beautiful and hard.

In love, we laugh, create memories, and take naps together. We show off the love we are giving and receiving, and it's great. But the flip side exists, where our love has to see us through difficult situations. A job loss, finding out about a chronic medical issue, and navigating grief are part of love. It's finding the compromise and making hard decisions. It's going the extra mile for the other person and making uncomfortable changes. When you choose love, you choose it all.

You are better off trying.

I have tried and failed so many times in my life. I have also tried, succeeded and given up. I used to have shame around trying because I thought people were watching and keeping score of what I assumed looked like indecisiveness. You can imagine my horror when I learnt that nobody gives a f*** about what you do. Every single trial left me with a lesson and a tool. So even when you don't know what to do or what the result will be, try!

Tell them you love them.

Tell them until they are sick of hearing it. I learnt this after losing a very close friend and my nephew. I took the time we had together for granted. We always assume that we have time with the people we love. We forget that we have no idea when they will depart this earth. Our love or existence in their lives does not excuse them from death. We have to love them now.

Seasons come and go.

You could be surrounded by stillness right now, immerse yourself in it. It may feel as though life is not giving you what you are asking for, keep your hands out to receive when it does. You might be in your season of dance, allow your feet to move to the rhythm of joy. Nothing lasts forever, not even the difficult seasons.

To growth and joyous birthdays. *clink clink*

Your Support Matters

Creating meaningful content takes time, love, and a lot of wine! If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read or heard, please consider supporting me. You can help me by BUYING ME A COFFEE or HIRING ME for creative work.

Create With Me

Do you have a unique perspective, personal story, or creative idea? I’d love to collaborate with you! All information is available HERE.

---

I wrote it, you might like it.

• I recently wrote an article for

  Anayo
  ’s publication, Carefree Magazine. A space created for black women to share their stories. My story was about my decision to be child-free and how it has weighed heavily on me. Read it here: I’m a child-free Black woman and it’s ruining my love life.

• This piece went live on Black Ballad last month. I shared about how my sister and I were separated after the passing of our parents and the effects that had on our relationship. We went from people who barely knew each other to people who talked daily. P.S. Do not judge our pictures, we are doing better now, I promise! How I Rebuilt My Bond With My Sister After Separation

• If you want more lessons from me then check out this article I wrote for SPRHDRS titled I wrote a book and it failed, but the lessons carried me through my writing career