It's not ALWAYS about you...
...just listen!
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Girl, sit down. Let's have a fat chat.
Tap the like button if you have ever called a friend to rant or cry about something that had wrecked your world, only to find yourself comforting them instead.
Hit the restack button if you have been mid-telling your sob story and your friend cut you off to start a new story altogether.
Yeah, I know. It sucks. But it had me thinking, are we all the good listeners we think we are? I am sure that I have been the villain in similar storylines. I am sure you have, too, because listening is a skill. Being present in the moment for someone, regardless of what you are going through, is a skill we all have to learn.
Many of us fall into the first scenario so easily. And it usually goes like this. Babe A will tell you about what they are going through and how they are feeling, and as they narrate, you realise you have been through it, too. Your next sentence is, "Girl, let me tell you a story of when something similar..."
In the name of the Oversharing gods, I am going to hold your hand when I say, 'Shut up, nobody asked for your story.' And I say it with so much love.
I get why this happens. We think that sharing our own experiences brings comfort to the other person. We believe if we pour out the emotions the story brings us and we cry together, then we have shown up for our friend. Well, not exactly. There is a thin line between relating to their story and using it to share the lessons that came from your experiences and wanting to be the main character/victim at all times.
The problem is we are women. We all love attention and being the girl of the moment. That's why our friendships struggle so much. Sometimes, we forget to remove ourselves from the story and be present for our people. We struggle with letting the other person have their time, even in their sadness. We tend to be selfish, and fixing that requires you to be intentional.
"This is not about you!"
I say this to myself way more than I should. It is a reminder that may have saved the friendships I hold today. Once I remove myself from the story, I listen better because my brain is not gassing me up about sharing my sob story. The frame has nobody but the storyteller and the characters in their story. When I listen attentively, I can tell if they are using their 'I want you on my side' or 'Am I the A-hole?' voice. And I show up accordingly.
I get it right sometimes. Other times, I fail. It will be the same for you, but I want you to try and be a better friend anyway. They need you as much as you need them. Knowing you can pick up the phone and dial a number, and the person on the other side is going to be there for you is beautiful. It's like the love story we have always wanted.
Remember, it's not always about you.
To making female friendships great again! *clink clink*
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