So your 20s are gone...

...but the lessons live on.

May 23, 2024

Young & Oversharing is your weekly newsletter for young women navigating life’s ups, downs, and in-betweens—one mistake at a time. Join us every Thursday for laughs, lessons, and those ‘I thought it was just me’ moments. Sign up here:

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We walked into our twenties, drenched in naivety. We had a list of things that we would have by 25. Some things came true and other things, well… Today, you get to hear from Siya Mdingi, Mansi Kwatra and myself about the things we learnt in our 20s that still apply to our lives today. Shall we?

Let go of control

I imagined having a well-paying job, a marriage certificate tucked away safely under a mattress, and a picket fence. Maybe a baby bump, just for the theatrics. I trusted that if I wanted anything, I would get it. Carrying a positive attitude was helpful, but life quickly reminded me how much of my life I could control. It felt crippling.

I had walked out of a world that required me to attend classes, study, practice, write the exam and get results. And now, here I was in a new space where following the steps didn't always bring the desired results. It brought a cloud of darkness over me. It was hard to get past, but I soon realised that my desire for control kept me stagnant.

The reason behind that was I wanted to be in control even with things that I could not control. The things on my list needed to be marked complete. I couldn't see past that. I couldn't see the beauty of the moments I was in. Or the blessings that I was sitting in. And as I watched other people tick things off my list, I felt alienated and deceived. And I asked myself, "Why not me?"

Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I had just let go of the control then. Cause I was not the victim, I set myself out to be. I was just a person who believed that I was in charge of the script. At best we have the opportunity to cast the characters but thereafter, the control isn’t completely ours. Honestly, I don't know who is in charge of bringing the script to life either, but what I do know is writing the script doesn't put us in control of the outcome. Let go, my love.

The future doesn't exist!

Written by Siya Mdingi, the author of The Value Blueprint

Since becoming old enough to consciously think of things and be aware and sensitive to the passing of time, we have been hyper-conscious of the concept of the future and what we want from it.

Visualising your future is part of your daily life, and it makes sense as to why. In the future, you are richer, skinnier, or thicker. You have finished your degree, bought a car, and bought a house. You have found the love of your life, or you are finally over that one ex you have been crying about for ages.

When we are going through a tough time in the present or striving for more, envisioning a better tomorrow can be a soothing balm or a bright north star to walk towards. But what often happens is that we become so preoccupied with the future and how far we are from achieving it that this lifeline becomes a noose. We stress and agonise that our efforts are not getting us where we need to be fast enough, or worse, that the future we have envisioned for ourselves is far too big to achieve.

I have come to learn, in my own experience, that the future doesn't exist. At least not in the way we think it does.

The future is an ever-developing and ever-changing state, flexing and morphing in response to and informed by everything we do in this present moment. In fact, it changes so often that it functionally does not exist: the only thing that exists in any tangible, actionable way is the present.

It doesn't mean the future is meaningless; it still matters! The future is an unstable thing that solidifies and changes based on what you do in the 'here, now, and today of things.'

Take this as a source of comfort and a guideline:

"The future is a nebulous thing that I make more solid with each action I take. No singular action is make-or-break, but every action solidifies (or diffuses!) this future."

Your existence goes beyond your job title

Written by Mansi Kwatra, the author of Unwind

Most people define your worth based on how impressive your life journey looks on a piece of paper, i.e. your resume. As a result, this world makes you believe that you must continue chasing the next best thing to stay relevant and worthy.

Your 20s are the years where you lay the foundation for who you want to be for the rest of your life, and the way I see it, the one with a realisation that their worth goes beyond a job title is already a step ahead of the rest. You can't dedicate all your time chasing after a job title. It's a position that runs the risk of being taken from you instantly. God forbid, if it is, you will find yourself feeling like a failure because your whole existence revolved around it in the first place.

When it comes to your life, diversify. Value showing up for your loved ones (and yourself) as much as you value the deadlines at work. Take a day off to relax and reset every once in a while. It will certainly not pull you behind in life. In a world that glorifies speed, consider defining your own pace.

Most importantly, get to know yourself because self-awareness is the first step towards a happier life. Every second of your day, you have a choice between just being another rat in the rat race or someone who equally values ambition, self-care and deep emotional connections. I hope each time this choice presents itself, you choose the latter.

To living our best lives today, tomorrow, forever! *clink clink*

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