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miss certainly's avatar

Thank you for writing about this! I absolutelyagree. Another perspective: what helps me to understand is to see every relationship as they are (like who I am in this friendship and who this other person is in this friendship), if my needs towards that person are met & theirs, too, and if I am able to listen to the other person. As long as my behaviour is not hurting myself, meaning if I only listen but I want to express a need, the listening then is actually suppressing my need to express. I did that so much in my life, that I started to get angry at my friends, because they did not listen to me. But I never expressed that I needed to be listened to. So in away, my behaviour was hurting myself, not them not listening to me. But I also have friendships where listening is absolutely not hurting myself, cause it overlaps with my need to support or be present for my friend. Of course I don't have to express myself all the time, compromising is important too. As long as I behave in ways that isn't hurting myself on the long run, I am always okay. I feel like we make the balance in knowing what I need to ensure a safe emotional balance from my side, and therefore providing a safe emotional space for my friend.

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Alexandria Marrow's avatar

LOVED this read and excited to have discovered your Substack! I am new here but in my first post, I wrote about my mission to give more than I take. This post reminded me of that mission. Here's to living and loving as much as we absolutely can! 💛

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