Your brain simply can't handle it
Why messy spaces make you feel anxious and unsafe
Young & Oversharing is your weekly newsletter for young women navigating life’s ups, downs, and in-betweens—one mistake at a time. Join us every Thursday for laughs, lessons, and those ‘I thought it was just me’ moments. Sign up here:
Clothes on the floor, unwashed dishes stacked sky-high, papers scattered like confetti.
Some people can exist just fine in a mess. And maybe for them, that works. But for some of us (read me), that kind of environment is a slow, silent attack on our nervous systems. What's an overshare without a story time!? *drum roll please*
I had moved house three days earlier and was trying to unpack slowly. It was in a bid to try to balance work and the task of settling in. I was sitting at my desk attempting to write an article, and my brain was not cooperating. Instead, my eyes kept scanning my house. All I could think about was how much of my stuff was not in the right places. The more I looked around, the more uneasy I felt, almost as if the chaos in my house was mirroring the chaos within me. It felt as though the longer I sat in the mess, the higher the chance of me facing an anxiety attack. Needless to say, the article was not written because I started unpacking instead.
Two weeks later, I visited a friend's house who lives in what they would call "organised chaos." You know the type of people who know exactly where something is in the rubble? Yep, that's them. I made it through day one and survived day two, but by the time day three came, it felt like I was slowly losing my mind. I was very irritable and snappy, which to them seemed unwarranted. My brain was failing to settle because I was in a disorganised space that I also had no control over. I left earlier than I was meant to because my anxiety was peaking, and I didn't want to make them feel bad either.
I didn't know it then, but I know now that clutter upsets my nervous system. It somehow introduces uneasiness and anxiety due to overstimulation. Our environment quietly shapes the way we move, breathe and think.
If messy or chaotic spaces send your anxiety through the roof, here is why:
Your Brain is Tired, Babes
Clutter = noise. Even if you aren’t consciously thinking about the pile of clothes or that junk drawer that won’t close, your brain is processing it over and over again.
Every single item you see in your line of vision is a bit of data your brain is trying to sort. So when there’s too much going on, your mind gets overwhelmed. That’s why you feel scatterbrained or on edge in a disorganised space.
It Feels Like You Are Not in Control
Messy spaces can make you feel like everything else in your life is also spiralling, even if it isn’t. If you rely on routine and structure to feel grounded, clutter can trigger feelings of helplessness or instability.
It becomes more than just a messy room. It becomes a mirror reflecting all the things you haven’t figured out yet. And that? That can be terrifying.
It’s a Visual To-Do List That Never Ends
That pile of laundry? It’s shouting, “You haven’t folded me.”
Those dishes? “We are still dirty.”
That drawer that won’t close? “You are behind.”
Even if you are ignoring the mess, your body registers the unfinished business. That silent pressure builds up and turns into low-grade stress that never quite leaves.
Sensory Overload is Real
Some of us (hi, my neurodivergent babes) have brains that are wired to respond intensely to stimuli. That means a messy space isn’t just annoying, it can feel like your senses are being smothered.
Too much noise. Too many colours. Too many things that are not in their place. It makes it hard to think clearly or feel calm, and sometimes, the only way to cope is to shut down.
Your Body Associates Mess with Danger
If you have experienced trauma or grown up in chaotic environments, disorganisation can feel unsafe because it once was.
Even if today’s mess is harmless, your body keeps score. A cluttered room can set off your fight-or-flight response before you even know what’s happening. You are not dramatic; your nervous system is trying to protect you.
Let this be a reminder that you deserve to be in a space that allows you to breathe, so do not feel bad for asking for it from friends, lovers and family. Those who hear you will not judge you for asking for a safe space.
Overshare Back!
What is your relationship with mess? Do you thrive in organised chaos or does it drain you?
Does mess trigger past trauma for you? How do you deal with it?
Because the Algorithm is a Hater!
The algorithm doesn’t always show you what you actually want to see (rude). So follow us on social media and make sure you never miss an overshare, hot take, or sisterhood moment.
The Fat & Horny Podcast is on Instagram & TikTok
Young and Oversharing is on TikTok & X
Tune into The Fat & Horny Podcast
The Fat and Horny Podcast provides a safe space for African women to share authentic conversations about their sexual experiences and discoveries, viewed through the lens of fat women. Season one featured five women sharing their journeys of learning to love their bodies despite societal pressures, opening up sexually, and discovering their sexuality.
Available on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.