Oversharing about why I am young and oversharing
This is why I started this newsletter.
Young & Oversharing is your weekly newsletter for young women navigating life’s ups, downs, and in-betweens—one mistake at a time. Join us every Thursday for laughs, lessons, and those ‘I thought it was just me’ moments. Sign up here:
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I turn 32 in June this year. Yes, it is a scary age. To be fair, I panicked when I was turning 30 two years back because I realised that the world now counts me as a full-blown adult. How did I get here? Amid this unfounded panic, I looked back on many parts of my life that have moulded, broken, and stuck with me.
And if I am being honest with you, the loudest parts are those that hurt me, embarrassed me and left me unsatisfied with my response.
For example, when I was 17, I took on three subjects for my high school diploma that I knew would be hard. I only did this to impress my parents. I wanted to make them proud. I had switched from a child who excelled in school to a child who got suspended. A big embarrassing scandal that I am choosing to swiftly drift over. The point is, this was my chance to prove myself to my parents. I wasn't a complete lost cause.
Wrong! I failed my finals so much that I can't bear to share the results with you. All I can tell you is that there isn't a single university that would have looked my way with those results. And I doubt a college would have trusted me either.
What followed was rather sad and tragic, in my opinion. I yearned for applause and validation so much that I kept trying to follow paths that weren't destined for me. And with every blow, I felt less important and started to doubt that I would amount to anything. The whispers from family members didn't help either. They called me a failure, and I believed their words. I imagine the Universe laughed at me countless times for having such thoughts.
My search for validation landed me in the wrong relationships that felt safe because those individuals offered me the applause I craved. Whilst these people took valuable parts of me with them, my wound was salted so, I stayed. I used to get angry when I thought of the time I lost giving so much of myself and getting very little in return. But then I soon learnt that anger won't bring back lost time. Instead, it overshadows the lessons from your experiences.
As I let go of my desire for external validation, I learnt the importance of internal validation. If I see myself as worthy, I can teach those around me to see my worth. If I celebrate myself, then what would stop those who love me from celebrating me? The same way you teach people how to love you is the same way you teach people how to validate you.
However, it is important to note that not everyone you wish to get validation from will come to the party after you start internally validating yourself. It is okay to release them. When I chose to live authentically, the fulfilment I felt helped me to accept that I was not everyone's cup of tea. I also realised that it was not my responsibility to help them see me for who I am because resistance is their choice.
Maybe I just overshared. Or you needed to hear this today. If the latter is true, please help me find more Oversharers so we can grow together. This newsletter is about doing away with the shame of the mistakes we make in life. It's about reminding each other that sometimes, it's serious but we can get past it. And sometimes, it truly isn't that deep.
To Oversharing every Thursday at 9 am! *clink clink*
What to expect on Y&O:
Week 1: An expert overshares about sex, mental health, or making bank! We are basically learning from someone who is about the thing they are about.
Week 2: Adulting, Growing & Stuff is updated. This category is focused on personal anecdotes & thought-provoking articles.
Week 3: Tunes & Tones, I use music to heal and I have introduced it to you. It’s that simple!
Week 4: Life Bloopers, where all the mess lives. You could be hearing about my bloopers or bloopers from other Oversharers. Yet another opportunity to learn from each other.
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Thank you so much for oversharing!💜 I hope you continue to heal and hold onto your strength already inside you💜 I was also someone who put the stakes high in high school only to fail miserably and putting my sense of value in other people’s hands. It’s a long road to heal from but one that’s absolutely worth taking!