You can be kind & fierce...
...at the same damn time!
Sorry I am late, there was traffic on my to-do list.
Exciting announcement: In May of this year, I was accepted into the Adventures From Creatorship program, a platform that explores sex and sexuality from a woman's point of view. During my Creatorship, I created a podcast titled The Fat & Horny Podcast. The title says it all, I hope.
As of next Tuesday at 9 am, the podcast will be going out via Substack and will be available on Spotify & Apple Podcasts too. I want to share this with you BUT if you aren’t interested in receiving The Fat & Horny Podcast in your inbox please feel free to opt out by following the instructions here. Every email will also give you the option to opt out!
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On Tuesday, I was scammed. Someone accessed my banking card and made a fraudulent transaction worth $25. When I saw the transaction, my heart dropped.
"Have I been scammed? Things like this don't happen to me! What did I do wrong?"
There was a mixture of denial, anger, panic and sadness in my body. Instead of allowing these emotions to play out, I blocked my card, sat at my desk and continued working. It was as if I was trying to disassociate myself from what had happened. Everything felt unreal to me. I don't know why we feel shame when we are stolen from, and we place the blame on ourselves. I tried to find my fault until I hit a dead end and switched positions.
"It's alright. Maybe the thieves needed the money more than I did. Forgive them. A higher power will send revenge on your behalf someday. It's done, let it go. More money will come to me, triple fold."
The sympathy card came out to play. But I knew it was all bullshit. I was trying to mask the real emotions that were taking over me. I also recognised where those words came from. When I was Christian, I remember being taught not to hold grudges with people. I was told that seeking revenge was disrespectful to God because it resembled hate. God is a God of love.
I was guided into kindness. The type that didn't sit in anger for too long or confront people for doing me wrong. I was mentored into the Godly kindness that believes karma will eventually find the people who did me wrong. All I had to do was pray and let go. If I disobeyed this teaching, then I was not a kind person.
I don't want that kindness for myself or you, and I'm not sorry about it. It doesn't feel at all genuine to me. It sounds more like being nice. Nice people choose their battles and words carefully because they don't want to leave bruises behind. It's a deceptive life in my eyes, and I don't want any part in that. Sometimes, the bruises are necessary, and where I should, I want to leave them.
If given the opportunity to address these thieves, I would say, "I do not wish you well because if I do, that means I am instructing the universe to protect you from the consequences of your theft. It means I am opening up opportunities for you to hurt and traumatise people the way you have done to me. I wish you punishment for your crimes, and I hope it hurts more than you hurt me."
For too long, we have believed that kindness means you become everyone's doormat. It has meant that your needs are never met, and your feelings are continuously invalidated. We have sought the "kindness" title to the point where we abandon ourselves, and that is what I am saying no to.
I have never been a lion, but I believe underneath all that fierceness lies love, laughter, grace and kindness. Let the claws out when they need to be, you aren't designed for fakery. Standing your ground, expressing your feelings and setting boundaries doesn't make you unkind, it makes you human.
To loving wholeheartedly, showing kindness and fully expressing ourselves. *clink clink*
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Previously, on Y&O
10 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex in my 20s
Young & Oversharing is a weekly newsletter for young women figuring it out one mistake at a time. For laughs, lessons and uh-huh moments every Thursday, sign up here:
It's not ALWAYS about you...
Young & Oversharing is a weekly newsletter for young women figuring it out one mistake at a time. For laughs, lessons and uh-huh moments every Thursday, sign up here:
You will always miss her...
Young & Oversharing is a weekly newsletter for young women figuring it out one mistake at a time. For laughs, lessons and uh-huh moments every Thursday, sign up here:
neeeeeeed to hear this! especially as a recovering people pleaser. this was so well expressed thank you! also i hope the money comes back to you triple fold!!
"Let the claws out when they need to be... Standing your ground, expressing your feelings and setting boundaries doesn't make you unkind, it makes you human." YES! I wish I had been aware of this in my 20s... It took another decade till I properly 'got' it. I'd add a few words in, that expressing your feelings and setting boundaries (assuming one is owning one's own part in one's feelings and expressing them in a fair way): "...makes you a balanced, responsible human".